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Courage by the Bottle
In recognition of the bravery and daring of those astronauts now revealed to have been intoxicated
while driving vehicles worth hundreds of millions of dollars propelled by millions of pounds of roaring high explosives cooking away about a hundred feet behind their inebriated asses, the graphic at left is herewith presented for the consideration of readers.
Yes, this fine picture would look good on the bedroom wall of any little boy or girl who aspires one day to reach for the Heavens, fearless of heart and three sheets to the wind.
The Dark Wraith does advise that people in airplanes give the space shuttles a wide berth.
Read the sign on the spaceship carefully, Father Tyme. It's not "Smirnoff."
My eyes aren't that good any more! I still can't see it.
But if you say so...
HEEHEEHEE! Any Robot Chicken fans here should be getting a double kick in the rocks outta this graphic. The one where N'sync/Stephen Tyler are on the shuttle with Harrison Ford as the pilot...
Harrison Ford: "Who's with me?"
Stephen Tyler: "Yeah!!, Blaarrgghh"; Throws up in helmet.
What a relief to conspiracy theorists everywhere to discover that all these disasters associated with the space program since its inception have not been caused by aliens, or foreign powers, or even us; but by "drunken astronauts".
"Little Willie made a slip
Landing in his rocket ship.
See that bright actinic glare;
That's our Little Willie there."
Peter of LT: "drunken astronauts"
Guy at reception area at "Bunny Ranch": "Hey baby, I wanna gal that can really do a 'drunken astronaut', OK?"
Madame: "Oooh, big spender! Anya, we have a client for you!"
Can't say as I blame them. Riding on top of a frigging bomb I would think would make anybody want a snort (or three) of something.
Can you imagine the thrill though?
Off topic but...
Good Gawd, it's almost August 2007!!! Seems like it was just November 2001, don't it?
Time sure flies when you're havin' fun!
(We ARE havin' fun, aren't we?)
The fun doesn't start until the perp walks begin, Father Tyme.
Which brings me to an idea I've had: in the unlikely event that top officials–and I mean big dogs–in the Bush Administration get hauled into court, and that would most likely be trials held by the House and Senate, themselves, we should throw some kind of cyberparty. I imagine there'd be some way for that to be accomplished. (Especially now that I've figured out this built-in Webcam on my computer–the first time I fiddled with it, I didn't realize I had, and I was sitting with my shirt undone for a few minutes right in front of it while it was running!)
And the good part about holding the party over the Internet would be that nothing could get too far out of hand with inappropriate dancing on table-tops or butt-grabbing in the crowd.
Yeah, this just might work.
The Dark Wraith will have to think about it.
...and I was sitting with my shirt undone...
There he goes again with the webcam. Well step up, math man, and "bring it". I call your bluff!
With all due respect, DW, I agree that perp walks are very much in order. But...
Re: "we should throw some kind of cyberparty."
Are you so damn socially reticent that you must envision the impossible to have some fun?
I say have the party anyway, because laughing beats cryin'. You can have your Wraith's Requisite "order of operations" but I say now is as good a time as any.
Wait- is that the Stoli talking? Father Tyme, you were supposed to cut us off!
Good afternoon, Moody Blue.
After that fundraiser I had last month totally flatlined–the first one that had ever done that–I thought to myself that I should have promised that, if the fundraiser was successful, I would publish a few of the frames that were captured by the Webcam.
Then it occurred to me that I would have done better if I'd promised not to publish them.
The Dark Wraith never was all that good at writing grant proposals.
Good afternoon, Lynn.
I suppose you're right. I'll find any excuse not to engage in festivities that involve frolic and detour. Waiting to have a party until Bush Administration officials get hauled off to jail is just a good excuse for me never to have one.
Then again, if I were to say, "Let's hold a party when the U.S. attacks Iran," we'd very likely be having one, and sooner rather than later. The downside to that vow is the rather grim nature of the predicate act by our war-obsessed neo-con leaders.
I suppose we could invite them. Make it something like, "If you attack Iran, you have to come to our party during the first bombing runs."
I'm pretty sure we could make them the life of the party.
The Dark Wraith knows a mixed drink that would make them total party animals.
[I'll make some other drinks for everyone else, though.]
I'm sorry about the fundraiser, Wraith. Please, will you run it again soon? Maybe even hold it longer? The end of the last month was kind of skinny around here. You won't have to "bribe" me. But, my dear late night cavorter, you can just "e" me those frames -- for a little more incentive, ya know. ;-)
Dark Wraith He-Stuff. *tingle!*
(...Searching for my lost shaker of salt.)
Hey Guys (and gals),
We have to Stream it! Better all around to do some real live broadcast Ass-Bushing.
About the Stoli, Lynn,
It's a good thing we ain't havin' ta drink every time a Busher lies!!! I ain't sure there's 'nuff alky-hall in the U.S. of A.
Gonzo: "No sir. I didn't know anything about the firings."
FT: "Everybody drink!"
Cheney: "The insurgency is in its last throes."
Bush: "I'm a uniter, not a divider."
FT: "(Hic) Evr..bud...deijucvn....(plop)!"
Get offa the floor, what kind of MC are you?
Father Tyme you made me think of the "debate drinking games" where everyone drinks for key words. I think during a Bush speech everyone got drunk because they took a swig every time he mentioned "9-11".
Thanks for the smile, today. So glad I met you FT!!!
I wish I was younger and... less irritatingly sober.
And I dont recall a recent fundraiser BUT I think this Moody Blue REALLY wants a few cam shots of our web proprietor's chest so maybe we have to band together and bring this to fruition. Lest we have a riot. Or a Moody Even Blu-er.
Or...we could hold out for a more interesting calendar. Make him work a bit harder. :)
(Ahem) "This" Moody Blue would like more cam shots. Just sayin'.
The Dark Wraith can tell this party is already gotten out of hand (and it hasn't even started, for Heaven's sake).
This is out of hand? Moody Blue, please break glass and remove emergency Twister game...then proceed with intervention following emergency instructions.
Perhaps we should be mindful of the fact that this is an academic venue, and not push our luck. Father Tyme -you and I will have to have our virtual party during the Repubs' next debate.
Free round for all if Giuliani gets "smited" again.
Wraith, you get Postum.
Ovaltine is preferable, Lynn.
Does the Dark Wraith know how to party or what?
Perhaps we should be mindful ... and not push our luck.
Actually, Moody Blue, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do that "Donate via PayPal" fundraiser thing anymore. I got wind of a rumor that the IRS is going to start harrassing bloggers about "unreported income" from donations.
Keep in mind that PayPal is part of eBay, where the CEO is Margaret C. Whitman, a Right-wing wolf who, from time to time and with some success, poses otherwise, pretending that handing gobs of money to Princeton University constitutes "philanthropy." She's shown her political credentials most recently by being a big money and in-kind friend of Mitt Romney. She's also spent her money on the likes of good-ol'-boy George Allen and weird-ol'-boy Orrin Hatch.
I wouldn't trust any database under her control, and hearing even a completely unsubstantiated rumor about the IRS cracking down on what I'm sure will be anti-Bush bloggers makes me head for the hills, looking back only long enough to see if connections in the rumor make any sense at all.
In this case, they do.
The Dark Wraith might very well be paranoid, but the Dark Wraith is still alive enjoy his geezerhood because of a few occasions where irrational paranoia saved his bacon.
I certainly do understand what you are saying, Wraith. And you already know how I feel about putting certain information on the innertubes. We can work out something else, maybe?
And with Bush now wanting even more incursions into people's privacy...
"...Paranoia strikes deep."
Maybe they are concerned about all the people making boatloads selling old pocketbooks and Wizard of Oz Collector plates on Ebay.
Nice to know the IRS has such a sound sense of "prioritization".
Perhaps lobbyists could use eBay to buy legislation?
The Dark Wraith, quite seriously, thinks the woman has one heckuva business model, there.
Throw in S&H Green Stamps with that priority bid legislation and I think you have a winner!
Can't wait to see the catalog (sorry about that for all you young 'uns out there).
P.S. Hey DW,
I need a damn quick primer on where the stoopid punk-tu-a-shun marks go for quotes, par- en-tha-sees and that kind of stuff. Sorry. Been hangin' around them there right wing blogs too long. Or it could be time fer my social senility ta kick in.
Father Tyme, I'm picturing you having to stand up while utilizing the intertubes, for surely your addenda due south of a certain appendage must truly be of such gargantuan dimensions, that the act of sitting, for you, Sir, must require stabilization to keep you from upending to either side! For you see, I too was under the impression that lack of proper punctuation would negate anything I had to say, as readers of DW's treatises and musings would find my error-filled screeds so lacking,they would observe no need to peruse past my screen-name. Yet, rather than call on the one person who caused me such trepidation, a personage of such mental clarity that the immense measures of his mind recalls the addenda previously touched upon, I took it upon myself, knowing full well that my station demanded no less, to look up the desired instruction, using various informational directories to guide me from my darkness, and toward enlightenment.
As you can see, my journey was fruitless. Yet, I persevered, knowing that someday, someone of your stature would lift me from this sea of punctuational riptides and grammatical floundering, wrapping me in a blanket of corrected blandishments, and to safe harbor of literate discourse.
My first two bicycles were purchased with S&H green stamp books. When my Dad's car broke down, as a lad of about 6, I took it upon myself to buy him a new one. I didn't see a problem since we had a buttload of cash in the glovebox of his car. This was in Calumet City, IL, near Kosciusko park, where there were numerous new and used car lots. So here I am going from one dealership to another showing them my wad of ESSO DOLLARS, the ones with the tiger on them! Obviously, I received no tank with which to put said tiger, but I did rake in the candy.
Musta been seven, cause I remember having a lay teacher then, rather than a nun. 2nd grade.
Hey, I took your advice and guess what? I discovered this wonderful thing called the "internets" or intertubes. (Here I was just stuck in this old rut of a couple of new fangled BBS's. They have a lot of information there. It seems you can find anything you want about anything.
There's this great site called wiki-pedia. At first I thought it was some kind of pervert site, you know - pedia? But then as I read more and more I was startled to find everything I ever wanted to know...and more! And I'm sure it's all correct. I mean who would intentionally put something on these tubes that wasn't right?
Then I had an idea. Since there's this fair and balanced cable channel on the TV, I decided to see if they had a place on this electronic gadget. Sure enough, I found that they entertain and inform the general public about all kinds of things.
I'm glad I took your advice and checked this thing out.
I just have one question about that informational site that a lot of people visit; who IS SpongeBob Squarepants?
So getting back to drunk astronauts, I'm not surprised in a field where they let just ANYONE go into space.
They can't be too choosy.
How about we take up a collection and shoot Bushy-tail and Deadeye into space? After they're cremated, we put the ashes into one of those Estes Hobby Rockets and shoot 'em into the Wild Blue over, say...Baghdad?
Good Morning Dark Wraith,
I've always wondered why the shuttle TIPs so distinctively as it climbs....
I think this Moody Blue REALLY wants a few cam shots of our web proprietor's chest so maybe we have to band together and bring this to fruition.
I remember a certain gentleman's wager, and a full frontal PAIR of chests on a long lost post....
heh heh.. Mr Shakes and DW, now that was hilarious!
Is it still in your archives, Dark One?
Father Tyme, rest assured that I have indeed heard of this Spongepants entity. Unfortunately, I don't discuss religion with people I like. Sorry. Perhaps Chesty McWebmaster is, indeed, the one you should ask.
I'm a bit surprised that no one has mentioned the fact that at least one of the astrosots wore diapers. Man, if I had thought to wear Depends while drinking beer, I prolly coulda been somebody; A contender.
I need to post an open thread, like BIG time.
Good mornong, DW.
I was thinking the same thing as I was taking the tyre iron out of the threadjack, thus the on topic 2nd posting.
ASTROSOTS, while still smoking my first lung exercising cig of the A.M. I'm mentally hugging myself for being so doggone clever.
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