One-liners, Rimshots, and Insults for Monday
He's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
She's a few cheese cubes short of a snack tray.
There you go: five times around the barn to get to the outhouse.
Too much crack, not enough cocaine.
It's a boob, but there ain't no woman in sight.
A hole, an ass, an' that's about it.
Couldn't find his own butt using both hands and a road atlas.
Flaky crust without the crust part.
My farts make more sense than you.
Close your mouth; you're embarrassing your face.
I ain't got no quarrel with yer God; it's that crazy-ass religion o' yorn that makes my crotch itch.
Sarah Palin should have been President: the Chinese would never repo us with her in the deal.
I'll follow you as soon as you stop stepping in every damn cow pie you come across.
You can't be that stupid... Oh. You're a Republican. Okay, you can be that stupid.
Ugly ain't got nothin' to do with it. The reason you don't get pussy is because you're a Republican. (Not that you ain't ugly, too.)
Stop thinking. We're running out of diapers in your size.
In the good old days, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich would be at the bottom of the lake by now. (Darned those anti-pollution laws.)
I miss the Republicans: that thing they did with walking straight over the cliff was cool.
What do you get when you put a neo-conservative on a real battlefield? Oh, that's right: you'd never actually see a neo-conservative on a real battlefield.
Big in the wallet, small in the pants.
Don't fart in my face and tell me the tater wagon's a-comin'.
Democrats, 2006: These deficits have got to get SMALLER!
Democrats, 2009: These deficits have got to get BIGGER!
Democrats, 2012: What the Hell is that foreclosure truck from Beijing doin' in the driveway?
Religious conservative sex: man on top, woman in the kitchen.
Republican congressman: "Airport bathrooms are for peeing?!"
Concerning that prostitute Elliot Spitzer bought and that soon-to-be-one who's auctioning her virginity: Am I the only guy on Earth who thinks those chicks are pig-butt ugly?
And while I'm at it, how come no one wants to pay big bucks for my virtues? (Never mind that I have none: I can lie like a rug if it's worth a few grand and a good steak dinner.)
If you think the Democrats are now going to be effective, try saying, "House Speaker Nancy Pelosi" with a straight face.
It turns out "too big to fail" wasn't true. So how come all those geniuses now think the government should take over giant companies that failed? Ah, that's right: the government's too big to fail. Now I get it.
Heard coming from the Oval Office yesterday: "Change," my ass! Who talked me into this job, anyway?!
Heard coming from Vice President Biden's office: Why are all these paper shredders in here?
Heard coming from Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's office: Exactly where am I in the line of succession?
OxyContin: The Rush Is On!
Sign of bad times coming: Bids are being taken to build a pipeline from Staples to pump red ink to the Treasury Department's accounting office.
Sign of even worse times coming: The Treasury Department canceled its order for two bottles of black ink.
Sign of absolutely ugly times coming: The Treasury chief is forbidding government economists from saying "U.S. economy" and "negative infinity" in the same sentence.
And it's always darkest just before it's pitch black.
Israeli Defense Forces' new motto: Palestinians? What Palestinians?
Hamas's new motto: Ouch.
Gaza's new motto: Parking space available.
Iraq's new motto: At least the Israelis don't stay SIX FRIGGIN' YEARS LIKE THE AMERICANS!
Okay, EEEENUFF!
The Dark Wraith was about to go overboard.
Comments
Wrote Phydeaux Speaks:
Wrote Moody Blue:
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
~Unknown
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
~William Shakespeare
The trouble ain't that there is too many fools,
but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
~Mark Twain
The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
~Voltaire
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
~P.J. O'Rourke
Wrote Minstrel Boy:
good morning dark wraith:
one of my favorites is a paraphrase of santyana, it was a bumper sticker during the dark years of reagan/dukemajian republican governence in california....
those who do not remember the past are doomed to
keep voting republican.
also sprach zarathustra...
Wrote lakesta:
Good Afternoon professor,
I had a question I was hoping that you could answer for me. Last night a friend and I were conversing on the subject of recessions and depressions. My friend is from Japan and noted that in the past 10 years their economy has been on a slow decline and quoted that they had "topped out". I started to wonder if that was the case and if so, what would cause it.
My question for you, however, is not that. But rather, in thinking about what my friend had said, I began to wonder how depressions/recessions occurred. When the economy is going well money is prevalent - when the economy is bad it is scarce. What changes the supply of money in the world as such? Where does it go in times of depression? Does it quite simply just disappear? If so, in prosperous times, does it just simply appear?
The reason this question came about was I asked, rather rhetorically, 'If Japan's economy is going down, along with America's, who's is going up?' To which the response given was, 'China's'. However, I don't know that this is true. It seems like no one really escapes the influxes of world economics. Why is that?
Wrote kelley b:
...Still, though, both Obama and Geithner telling the very same thing I've been saying that has made me look like some kind of fringe lunatic for all these years? That's enough to REALLY irritate me. How dare those guys make me look like I know what I'm talking about?!
It's only because the Amerikan bankers want a reason to plunder Team Xinhua's markets and Treasury. Look for Obama's new cronies to come up with some policy to screw you, me, and the Chinese workers, too.
lakesta asks: "...It seems like no one really escapes the influxes of world economics. Why is that?"
I'm no expert like our host, but it's likely for the same reason the robber barons have all the filtered air conditioning while everyone else breathes the same polluted air.
Wrote Progressive Traditionalist:
Good afternoon, Mr Wraith.
I have another recession-related question.
In your post, The Economics of Wreckage, Part Four, you gave a formula for GDP:
GDP = C + I + G + (X - M)
Seeing as how oil is one of our biggest imports, wouldn't the fall in prices to roughly 1/3 of their level a year ago have some notable effect on GDP?
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Your host of this Weblog is an award-winning college teacher and writer who specializes in economics, finance, mathematics, business administration, computer hardware and software skills, and English grammar and composition. His extensive writings on the history of the English language appeared on About.com in the avatar of the Selig Wraith in the 
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Good Morning, Dark Wraith,
Well done, and ye saved the best for last. :)